plz talk dirty to me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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