How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
