She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My penis needs a shock collar
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
