Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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