seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
