Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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