Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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