maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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