The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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