Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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