I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
