TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Alive.
So much puke
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
