I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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