I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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