You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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