The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
