Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize