i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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