so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize