Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
