Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
