you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize