my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
