she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
