Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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