Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
