3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
