I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
