I'm going to jail i love you
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
