dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
