Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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