It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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