If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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