I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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