Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
