real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
