he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
