If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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