Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
