I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
