talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
