I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
