I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize