If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
