New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
