Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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