my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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