This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
