Im at strip club and am horny
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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