you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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