Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
