my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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