I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
