Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
