My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
