I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
