people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
