I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
