i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
