i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
