btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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